There’s a Bob Marley quote that says, “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.”
What he fails to mention is strength isn’t in infinite supply. You can push forward for only so long before there’s a let down.
Our family felt the effects of holding it together as best we could for too long. The hustle and bustle of the Christmas season took its toll and left us completely spent.
After a late-night Boxing Day cuddle, Reuben got into an accident on the drive home. Thankfully, he was okay but the van was not! Reuben turned left when a parked car, with no lights on, jetted out in front of him. He swerved so not to T-bone them and smacked a fire hydrant. The fire hydrant didn't fare well either. At least the driver of the other car was kind enough to take off. Jerk. Reuben called the police and filed a report. Thankfully, a witness to the incident contacted the police and corroborated Reuben’s version of the events, meaning all of the damages were fully covered.
Although he was shaken up he said he was glad he wasn't in a box on Boxing Day. Thank God for that.
Many days of staying up late and sleeping in had gotten the better of us. We looked like zombies and I felt like one.
Having the older kids in town was amazing. We went public skating, attended a hockey game care of tickets from the Red Cross and continued the nightly movie dates. The kids LOVED it. Every day they’d ask, "What movie are we watching tonight?" All these activities created double duty for Reuben and I as we carved out time for visits with David. Doing this for days on end meant we got to spend time with all the kids but it also drained any of the energy reserves we had.
I was burning the candle at both ends.
Despite the exhaustion, the girls and I went out to buy few things for David. We found a super duper cute mobile for his future crib. There were no plans to move him to a crib but I wanted to be prepared for when the time came. We purchased a jungle themed one with all kinds of lights and songs. We also went to Chapters to get him some board books and found a few cute ones. We got, Goodnight Moon of course (it was Josh's favorite book), Grumpy Bird, Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What do you hear?, and I love you through and through. They were perfect reading material for our cuddles!
On the 28th of December our sweet little David turned two months old. There were times when my faith was wobbly and I feared two months might never come. I was glad for God’s continued faithfulness. Two months was a big accomplishment for a tiny baby. The goal became growth and rest. Grow, grow, grow sweet honey!!
Regardless of the goals set for David, no matter how exhausted and rundown we were, life goes on. David’s second month-a-versary also marked the one year anniversary of Reuben's mother's passing. Making it both a joyous and sad day.
What do you do? What do you say? I couldn’t think of anything. Nothing can make it better. All one can do is remember and hold their memories close.
All we leave behind of value are memories. Our job is to make sure we create as many good ones as possible.
At that time, though, I wasn’t thinking about making memories. I thought about getting through another day. Holding it together. I thought I had needed to be strong up until that point. I had no idea what was around the corner.
No one knew it then but David was about to spin into a post-Christmas downward spiral. Christmas had left us all feeling hungover but nobody more than David.