Writing to and about David in a repetitive way was cathartic. I never thought about why I did such a thing. Journaling had always come natural to me; I’d been doing it since I was 7 or 8 years old.
I’ve journaled, written and re-written the same story countless times in the last 5 years. It’s always felt good. I enjoyed sharing my original blog with people as a form of communicating. A way to reach out and share what was going on for me. I continue to share my story of David both verbally and in writing since his passing.
I’ve learned there’s power in storytelling for the teller and the listener. Stories are the venue through which we pass along our history. How we teach and learn. How we connect. How we find insight and discover new perspectives, and thankfully, how we heal.
There’s a part of me that knows I was searching for closure. I hoped by getting it all out, I would meet some need I knew remained unmet.
What took me so long to identify was it was through the repetition of the story telling, healing occurred. By giving prominence to some portions of the story and omitting others, I shaped our journey together into something empowering.
You’ll remember, earlier, I mentioned my need for control and how I had given it up as much as I could. In reality, through telling and retelling my story, I took some of the control back. I made it my own which brought me a certain level of comfort.
I’ve chosen a story to find healing and I can say, it has given me healing and much more because I was able to add a plethora of other important elements to my journey.
As I reflect on my experience from October of 2011 until today, I see a list of things that hindered my healing and a second list that propelled me to finding a new way to be happy.
I continue to think on ideas such as closure and what they mean for me. I contemplate healing, grief and where my story fits in to all of it. I needed for there to be a purpose for David’s life that was tangible to me, something above and beyond the story. I’ve found that too.
I’m consciously putting an end to this portion of Weary and Burdened or maybe a pause. I don’t know. But I'm doing it so other things can grow from it. Hoping a purpose blooms out of a story about a premature baby and his mom.
What better way than to help others walking a similar path than to provide them an opportunity for others to tell their story. Creating dialogue around grief and loss to assist those who feel helpless, hopeless and in despair. A chance for me to do my part in lifting the yoke off the weary and burdened.
So what does this mean for the Weary & Burdened podcast? It means I'm going to transition from this story I've been telling up till now, in the first 25 episodes. I'm going to continue to do the podcast but it's going to morph and transition into something where others can share their story and we can discuss topics on grief and loss which will include interviews with professionals, other counsellors and people who've experienced different forms of grief and loss.
We'll be able to discuss this openly and hopefully remove some of the stigma around the topic of grief and loss.
This is going to be a new adventure for me as well and I welcome you to join me on this new and exciting journey.
If you know of anyone who could benefit from the hearing of my story or the telling of their story or discussion of grief and loss in general, please invite them to listen to my podcast and/or read my blog.